Here's a sad little truth: Bloggers do not get Spring Break.
Had someone told me this back when I was wielding a red pen as I graded neverending stacks of papers and biting my nails down to the quick during standardized test season thinking, "Whyyyyyyyyyy?", I may have stuck with that whole teaching thing... HAHAHA, Ok, I can't even say that with a straight face. So not true.
No, but really -- bloggers definitely don't get Spring Break. If anything, they work harder while other people are off so they can capitalize on all the fingers that will be Googling recipes and eyeballs that will be scrolling newsfeeds. With that said, I may have given myself a dispensation this year and spent the week going from story time to egg hunt to Easter activity with my little dude because, you guys, no one told me that 16 months is where it's at with kids. THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN. {And exhausting. Let's not forget exhausting. But mostly fun.} I mean, if you don't melt into a puddle of goo upon watching your toddler fill his basket with pastel eggs while wearing his spring best, then we might not be able to be friends. {Right now, anyway, because I'd be pretty annoying with all the "AWWW!!" Call me back when he turns 12 and I'm over it.}
Anyway, this is my way of telling you that I haven't made you anything in the shape of a bunny, duck or egg this year, and I'm sorry. But don't lose all faith in me just yet. You might love me even more for spending the limited moments I had in the kitchen this week creating this amazing recipe.
What does this look like to you??
Would you believe me if I told you that this sumptuous bowl of "risotto" is really summer squash? And that that rich, creamy white sauce is made entirely of cauliflower?!
Go ahead and sit down, I know you probably need a moment.
I can hardly believe it all myself. And I'm the one who made it. I did have a little help from my newest kitchen gadget, OXO's GoodGrips Spiralizer, which is probably one of the coolest things to arrive on my doorstep lately. While all you kids were sunning yourselves on the beach in Daytona {do people even go there anymore for Spring Break?! I'm so out of the loop.}, I spent Cole's nap times catching up with everyone else in 2016 who has already discovered the wonder that is a spiralizer. I'm a little late to the party, yes, but I think I've made a grand entrance with this recipe.
My veggied up version of risotto is as rich and luxurious as rice-based risotto, but without all the carbs post-meal heaviness! Save your trophies and medals of honor, though, because I went ahead and a little added bacon and cheese as a reward for not filling up on rice -- so, it's not all halos and six-pack abs, but LOOK AT IT.
I'm so happy I stumbled upon this blog where the author spiralizes everything and anything, because that's where I learned that you can make "rice" out of vegetables other than cauliflower. {Though some of the creaminess here actually does come from riced cauliflower.} And in that moment, I just knew that my spiralizer and I were destined for great things.
So, after I ripped apart the box, took out all the pieces {and spiralized a zucchini or two just so I could see how the whole thing worked}, I got to work on coming up with something beyond zoodles. {Zoodles = Zucchini noodles for all you spiralizer noobs.}
Gah. It's a thing of beauty. Buyer beware: You will definitely want to spiralize everything that will let itself be spiralized. You may be eating curly food for a while if you decide to invest in one of these gadgets, though in my opinion, that's a small price to pay for this wondrous tool that comes with several different blades and is super easy to clean. Can you tell I love this thing just a little bit?
Good news! Leftover Easter ham makes a great substitution for the bacon in this recipe, so now you'll definitely have an excuse to give it a try. Whether you're "vegging out" this spring break or spending your time spiralizing veggies, I hope you have the best Easter weekend!
Disclosure: My friends at OXO sent me the GoodGrips Spiralizer for me to try out. As always, all opinions here are my own.
Bacon & Asparagus Faux-sotto {Risotto}
1 large {or 2 small} summer squash
2 slices bacon, diced
1/4 cup chopped yellow onion
1 1/2 cups asparagus, cut into bite sized pieces
1/4 cup white wine {or broth if you prefer}
1 1/2 cups riced cauliflower {or just cauliflower florets}
About 1/2 cup almond milk {or regular milk or chicken broth, your choice}, divided
1 small garlic clove, smashed
1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup shaved Parmesan
Salt to taste
1. Spiralize your summer squash according to directions. You'll want the thinner "spaghetti" noodles. Once the squash is spiralized, place the "noodles" on a cutting board and, using a large knife, chop it into "rice". {I tried this by pulsing in the food processor but it came out a little too mushy every time. It only takes a minute or two to chop it by hand.} Set aside until ready to use.
2. Meanwhile, heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Cook the diced bacon until it is browned and crisp, then remove with a slotted spoon and place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain. Set aside.
3. Toss the chopped onion and asparagus pieces into the rendered bacon fat and saute until the onions are soft and translucent and the asparagus is tender. When the pan starts to become dry, pour in about 1/4 cup white wine or broth, scraping up the brown bits. Cook until the liquid is almost evaporated.
4. While the veggies are cooking, cook cauliflower. I used frozen riced cauliflower with 1/4 cup of almond milk added to the bowl and heated it in the microwave for about 4 minutes, but you can also just simmer fresh cauliflower florets and almond milk in a saucepan until it's fork-tender. Basically, you just want soft cauliflower, it doesn't matter how it gets that way.
5. Pour the cauliflower and 1/4 cup of almond milk, smashed garlic clove, olive oil and a pinch of salt into a high speed blender or food processor and blend until completely smooth. You may need to add up to 1/4 cup or so of almond milk while it runs to make sure the mixture is smooth and creamy; add a little at a time until the desired consistency is reached.
6. Pour the cauliflower sauce into the skillet with the onion and asparagus and toss to coat. Fold in the "riced" squash, coating it completely with the sauce.
7. Sprinkle in the bacon and cheese and fold until completely incorporated. Serve hot.
